We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
