Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
