woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
