I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
