do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
