bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
