Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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