ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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