it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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