like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
