3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
