So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
