if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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