so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Randomize
