your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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