I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
