I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
