the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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