i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
