Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
