I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Please, let me fuck your mom
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
