Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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