Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't deserve a penis
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
