i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize