I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have tasted many bathrooms
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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