I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
