I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize