Me. At least after what I've been through.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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