My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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