didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
