i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
