my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
