That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize