My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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