But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
