I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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