my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
