Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
me + whiskey = a bad person
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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