i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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