theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize