I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
