I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
