When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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