I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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