Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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