It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
