If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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