she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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