3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
