Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
