I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
just found out that she named her cat after me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
