I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it was like eating out sand paper
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
