apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Drake has all the answers
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Terrible idea I love it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
