I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
