did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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