I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
