His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
