I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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