You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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