"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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