I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
