if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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