I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
