dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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