the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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