Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
