I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
