His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
