dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
