He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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