mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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