Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
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