I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
