i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
