I can text with my tongue
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
