high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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