At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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