Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
