you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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