So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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