Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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