I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
