I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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