I cannot find my penis.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
P.S. I can't hear my feet
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
